


4 Reasons Why (Soren Thinks) Frozen is Not a Good Movie

by Kaywinnit



Category: Cracked: After Hours
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3631938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaywinnit/pseuds/Kaywinnit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, why Soren does not think Elsa is as great as everyone thinks she is. </p><p>In which Michael eats a lot of ice cream, Katie is a royalist, Dan is on new anxiety medication and Soren really, really did not want to talk about Frozen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	4 Reasons Why (Soren Thinks) Frozen is Not a Good Movie

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah okay my own bias showed up here, because I didn't like Frozen. Also, I just wanted to think on if Dan had an anxiety disorder (which I think his character does) how everyone would react to it. 
> 
> Soren/Dan can be read as slash or gen, your choice.

“We could always _not_ discuss Frozen,” Soren says. It sounds a little helpless and pleading, because of course no one is going to listen to him. It doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try, though.

“Can you think of another topic, then?” Katie asks, jabbing her straw into her milkshake, burying the whipped cream under strawberry ice cream. Michael nods and stares expectantly at Soren as he shovels spoonfuls of his towering sundae into his mouth. Chocolate sauce is smeared around his face. Eating out with Michael is a lot like how movies portray eating out with kids.  


Soren shrugs helplessly. “Uh, literally anything else would be good. Even taking apart everything that could possible go wrong with the Batman/Supes movie. Or Kingsman - do you think it would be _that_ easy to sleep with a Swedish princess? Also, katana legs. Let’s discuss the katana legs. I really liked the katana legs.”

“Overruled,” Michael gurgles around his mouthful of ice cream. “Dan got new anxiety meds. The Frozen topic is in tribute to that. Or mocking; I can’t decide.”

“This is why I don’t tell you anything,” Dan complains, poking miserably at his bowl of plain vanilla ice cream. He has yet to eat much of it, and it’s melting into a sea of bland milkiness. “You’re always just a little bit of an asshole about it.” Soren slaps him on the back, hard enough that Dan coughs, but it seems to understand that it was intended to be supportive, judging by his shy smile. It is a little hard to take his hand away - the diner is freezing, and Dan radiates heat - but he manages to drop it to the table. 

“It’s just that I really, really didn’t like Frozen,” Soren says desperately, and Katie snorts.

“Really? I would have thought you would have identified with Elsa. Frozen heart and all that - sounds a lot like you. Plus, didn’t you grow up in a ski resort? That must have clicked with you,” she retorts. Michael chortles, spewing half-chewed peanuts and chunks of congealed fudge everywhere. Soren can see Dan twitch minutely out of the corner of his eye. 

“Okay, first of all, the movie handled Elsa’s powers _terribly,” Soren says_ , “As well as everything to do with her emotional state. So, like, she locks herself up for what, thirteen years? And almost never comes out of her room, right? But at the party after her coronation, she has no problem talking to people and just hanging out. She’s okay, right up until Anna steals her gloves.” 

“Yeah, because her gloves sort of seal her powers in - I guess? I never really got that,” Michael adds, looking contemplative. His expression of profound wisdom would be much improved if any of them bothered to carry around wipes. Seeing how long they have known Michael, Soren is rather surprised that they don’t. “But the point is, Soren, is that she is a queen. Queens have training to deal with that sort of shit, right? Talking to people, I mean. Hey Dan, if we made you a queen, do you think you could talk to people?”

“No, Soren’s right,” Dan says, and Soren preens a little. “She’s been locked up for years, and basically hiding from the world. In every shot of her childhood, she’s huddled up alone in her room, and it gets progressively more and more iced over, yeah? So it’s likely she didn’t leave for a tutor, or have someone come into her room to teach her there. Where did she learn how to be that graceful and poised?”

“It’s part of being royalty,” Katie cuts in, looking incredibly displeased. “It’s expected. Elsa’s all about living up to everyone’s expectations - she’s just playing her part. I bet that if the party had gone as she planned, she would have raced back to her room and had herself a nice ol’ panic attack.”

“Let’s never again use the word ‘nice’ to refer to a panic attack,” Dan says, his face tense and muscles taut. Soren really dislikes it when Dan gets that way - when something happens that reminds him of everything Dan does not like about himself. Soren doesn’t see why he has that issue. There is very little to not like about Dan. “But no, Katie, that isn’t the point. Elsa has had so little interaction with anyone in years. Coupled with the stress of being coronated and with trying to ensure no one finds out about her powers, she shouldn’t be so calm. She should be, at the very least, visibly on edge. Talking to people is hard, you know?”

“Right,” Soren says. Everyone turns to stare at him, and his eyebrows raise. “Oh. No, no, losers. I was agreeing with his point. I always know what to say to people. It’s part of my natural charm, y’know?”

“Which is why the waitress last month didn’t refill your water for the entire meal after you implied that she maybe looked a little like Ursula from the Little Mermaid,” Katie says dryly. 

“How was I suppose to know that that was her real name and she’d been mercilessly bullied for it?” Soren cries indignantly. Dan mumbles something under his breath, and Soren shoves at his shoulder. “But no, Dan’s right. Elsa’s basically a hermit. She was remarkably chill about suddenly being surrounded by more people than she ever has been at literally any other point in her life.”

“But she has that freakout when Anna takes her gloves,” Michael reminds them, beaming. He’s a lot like a little kid at times.

“But that’s the other issue I had with the movie,” Soren says. “Elsa has this incredible gift, yeah? But her entire life, she’s told it makes her a freak. A monster. There’s no question of learning to control it - no, instead she’s locked up and left to just hide everything she’s thinking. She tells herself ‘conceal, don’t feel’ for the entire movie, and that implies that she can’t be trusted to control her body, her powers, or her emotions.”

“Because she _can’t_ ,” Katie argues, waving her straw around vigorously. Dan winces as milkshake splatters against his forehead. Soren hands him his unused napkin and tries not to smile at how grateful he looks. “It’s like the first scene in the movie. She freezes Anna’s head and almost kills her. And then in the palace, right after she panics because of that stupid glove - though yeah, it is weird that a thin layer of cloth could block her powers, since it doesn’t seem like she actually has to touch stuff for it to freeze, and she changed her dress into that ice one…”

“She was like maybe seven in that first scene,” Soren says. “Kids are dumb. And in the next scene, there was too much going on for her to process it all. Her anxiety about her powers was probably made worse by the fact that she never learned to control it. It’s like the whole premise of the X-Men movies, besides being a metaphor for gay rights. Kids develop dangerous powers, are a huge risk to everyone around them, and are _trained_ so that way they don’t accidentally murder everyone, or freeze over their entire kingdom. The trolls are clearly magical, and as we saw with Kristoff, they seem to have no issues taking in humans and raising them. Why didn’t they take in Elsa - who they knew had tremendous powers that she couldn’t control - and train her themselves? Why did they just let her turn into a festering boil of angst and maladjustment that just eventually burst and spewed poisonous emotional issues and never-ending winter everywhere?”

Katie sets her milkshake glass down, looking faintly green. “I don’t know why I bother trying to eat with you guys around,” she mutters, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Hey, can I take that then?” Michael asks. Without waiting, he upends what is left of the milkshake on top of his partially melted sundae and starts stirring it into a gigantic slush puddle. 

“Michael, you’re going to give yourself a stomachache,” Dan says. “I will be deeply unhappy if you puke in my car again. But yeah, the trolls really could have helped make sure Elsa didn’t become emotionally stunted, or whatever it is she is.”

“I think she has an anxiety disorder mixed with a perfectionistic complex,” Michael says, ripping open a few packets of artificial sweetener and emptying them on top of his monstrosity. 

“Oh, that’s my other problem with it,” Soren says. “The way they handled her problems. At the end of the movie, they learn that true love is the love between sisters, and then all of a sudden Elsa can control her powers, and she’s happy to frolic around in the sunshine with everyone, all the time, using her powers to make an eternal ice rink in her courtyard, which I always thought was more than a little risky. What if someone slipped?”

“Oh for crying out loud, Soren,” Katie snaps, “It’s a Disney movie. Of course love solves the problem and everything gets wrapped up nicely by the end. It’s the central thesis of literally every Disney movie ever - love conquers all, and happy ever after.”

“Elsa is one of the most popular Disney characters ever created,” Soren retorts. “Little girls everywhere look up to her. And at first it was a good thing they showed a villain with such self-confidence issues who is clearly neurotic - but they’re _romanticizing_ it, and that’s the problem I have with Elsa. She is defined by her ice powers and her anxiety over them, and both get easily solved by love. Yeah, it’s a Disney movie, but it diminishes the issue that anxiety disorders present, as well as making it easy for kids - who are dumb, remember - to think that they’re something that can be fixed by throwing a lot of love at the person. They don’t work that way. Caring about anyone with an issue like that means years of learning to help them cope with something they can’t control and being there for them even when it’s hard.”

“So what, you’re saying that they should have ended the movie with Elsa having a panic attack?” 

“No, I’m saying they make it easy for kids to assume that anxiety is a simple thing to fix that people just need get over. And it’s not. I wish it was that way because it’s hard to watch someone you care about rip themselves apart over it, but it’s not, and they handled it poorly, and it _bothers_ me.”

Everyone is staring at him, wide-eyed. He can feel Dan’s gaze on him, wondering. He has probably said too much, exposed too much he would rather have tucked away. Soren shifts uncomfortably in his chair, and abruptly stands up. “I need air,” he mumbles, stalking away from the rest of the group and shoving open the door into the breezy March night. 

The sun has not been set long enough for all the warmth of day to have dissipated, but it is cool outside, bracing. Cars zip by, headlights streaks of light in the dark. It is a night of a new moon, completely clear, and he would bet that if it were not for the orange-tinted streetlights, the sky would be a riot of stars. Soren flops down on the stairs leading to the porch and buries his face in his hands, pressing the heels of his palms under his eyes. 

He can hear the tinkling of the bell, but doesn’t look up as footsteps hesitantly approach. A warm body, radiating heat, settles down besides him. Soren peers through his fingers - Dan is sitting there, gnawing on his lip. 

“Just go back inside, Dan,” Soren says tiredly, dropping his hands. 

“Can’t,” Dan replies, looking incredibly awkward. “Katie confiscated my chair, and made the staff take away any other open chair until I agreed to check on you.”

“Well, you can go back in and tell her I’m okay. Just need a moment.” 

Dan doesn’t move. For all his neurotic oddness, he sometimes has a backbone of steel that startles Soren. Dan cares about them, this Soren knows, and it is as much that compassion for all of them that is keeping him out here as Katie taking away every open chair in the diner. “Were you talking about someone specifically in there?” Dan says after a moment. 

“Don’t play dumb,” Soren sighs. “You know I was talking about you.”

It is hard to tell out here - the lights in the parking lot wash everything over with orange, make it difficult to discern individual colors - but Dan has a habit of ducking his head when he is blushing, so that is what Soren assumes happens. “So you do care about me?” he asks hesitantly, sounding so painfully shy. 

“Of course I do,” Soren replies, rubbing at his eyes. 

“I still find it a little amusing that you didn’t like the movie because of the way they handled Elsa’s problems.”

“Oh, I didn’t like it for a lot more than that. But it just diminished her anxiety and made it solvable, and I wish yours was, because I don’t like how much it tears you apart sometimes.”

Dan shrugs. “It’s getting better. New meds. Hanging out with you guys. It helps.” 

And that is good to hear, but Soren wishes he could do more, support Dan more. It is difficult, because he cares and Dan sometimes gets so wrapped up inside his own head that it is very challenging to pull him out again. The world is a terrifying place at times, and Soren wonders if Dan trusts them enough to let them help him get through it. 

Soren slings an arm over Dan’s shoulder. It is more contact than what usually happens between them, and Dan stiffens for a moment before relaxing into the touch. He is astonishingly warm, so hot that Soren worries for a moment that he might have a fever. 

They will need to go back inside soon enough. Soren is going to have to endure the teasing from Michael and Katie, who seem to have caught onto something that Dan remains cheerfully oblivious to. He is going to need to slip back into the role of Soren-the-asshole, and pretend like he doesn’t care, because Soren has learned that the world will mercilessly beat him down the moment he shows any vulnerability.

But for now, he can sit here with Dan, and pretend they are watching the stars.


End file.
